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Thank you for understanding! Please, enter email address. Writing Paraphrasing Editing Proofreading Formatting. Please accept our Terms. Your message has been successfully sent! We will get back to you soon. That was my last group assignment for my MBA. Describe two events in your life to date that demonstrate your ability to do well in business. As a young boy, I suffered from severe dermatitis, which filled my limbs with ulcers and scars.
The true pain of my condition, however, was social; I was alienated from my classmates and lived a life of loneliness and isolation. Doctors predicted that I would never fully recover, but my parents refused to accept this. They encouraged me to hope for the future, teaching me that any obstacle could be overcome. I therefore took an active role in my health, trying many medications and herbs.
Approaching my loneliness with bravery, I came to view it as a challenge to be overcome. The summer after I graduated from primary school, my disease improved dramatically. Although my body remained riddled with scars, the ulcers vanished. The self-confidence I regained was profound; I realized that my personal will had led to this improvement.
I began to seek out friendships at school, and I took part in activities like volleyball, Girl Guide, and Art Club. Through it all, my attitude toward challenges remained the same. In every examination or competition, I told myself that I could easily excel since nothing could be more difficult than what I had already overcome.
By the time I moved to Canada, I had fully recovered both socially and physically. Moreover, I had learned to be confident and never to fear failure.
This credo echoes through my personal life and gives me the inner resolve to succeed at any endeavor, including my professional pursuits. Like my personal battle with dermatitis, I learned a great deal about leadership by overcoming adversity. I managed a group of six individuals in organizing various functions. I was the most advanced ESL student among the group, and I therefore assumed myself to be the most capable. I quickly learned my mistake. While preparing our first function, I was strict with my team members and often rejected their ideas in favor of my own.
I performed most of their tasks myself, allowing them to assist me only in minor details. As a result, the function was not very successful. Few people attended, and we had problems with decorations and presentation. She responded that she trusted my ability to succeed in the future. This comment filled me with surprise, for I realized that I had never trusted my own team members.
Although they were weak in English, they had many valuable talents. I immediately changed my policy, allowing team members to choose the tasks they desired and to complete them on their own. Meetings evolved into group brainstorming sessions, which yielded many good ideas.
Most importantly, the atmosphere among us improved dramatically. We were happier and more eager to devote time to the program. I learned what true leadership is, and the experience undoubtedly improved my ability to handle challenging business situations.
Your explanations were clear and extremely helpful. You manage to edit my essays without changing any important fact. The thing I was mostly impressed is how you organized my essays, the weakest point in the original and how you edit the structure of my sentences, the issue I always struggle with since I am not a native speaker. Your service was worth every penny and I would definitely recommended EssayEdge to my friends currently applying for B-schools.
Additionally, it was on time … very impressive! It took me days to write the originals and you were able to polish them in the way I probably would never be able to. Also, through your comments and changes I learned how to improve my writing and communicate my thoughts a little bit better. You almost made a frustrating application process fun. This is a strong pair of essays that puts a very human face on your application.
You come across as an engaging and likeable IT professional, and the details you provide about your personal life are both interesting and informative. The major problem I noticed with these essays was the length of your paragraphs.
It is necessary to break your discussions into easily digestible segments so that the reader is not overwhelmed by the breadth of your observations. I have substantially reworked the structure of these essays to make them more accessible to the reader. Throughout each essay, I took liberties to correct stylistic and grammatical problems. My changes largely took the form of making sentence transitions smoother and more compelling, varying sentence structure to keep the reader interested, and pruning unnecessary words to increase sentence comprehension and coherence.
I consciously tried to leave your own voice and ideas intact. The first few sentences of your original draft seemed too self-pitying. I have provided a new introduction that illustrates the unique role that the Internet played in your family dynamic. In addition, it is useful to separate the introduction proper from the rest of the first paragraph. I have provided a strong transition that illustrates the relevance of your volunteer IT experience.
Finally, the new second paragraph that I have adapted from your original text incorporates extensive sentence-level adjustments to improve your diction. See the alternative treatment of this idea I have proposed in the revised essay. I provided a stronger transition to this sentence, which encapsulates your main motivation for pursuing a career in IT. Your original paragraph was a bit too general, so I anchored your assertions in concrete fact to make them more compelling.
I suggest the following: This construction is slightly awkward. You can rephrase this idea as follows: I have adjusted the tone of this paragraph to use a more confident voice.
Your original introduction failed to introduce your subject to the reader in an adequate fashion or to engage his attention.
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